people in my class see me as being a 'happy go lucky', 'joval', 'happy', 'cheerful', 'always smiling' kind of person.
i wonder why...
hahas.come to think of it, maybe its because they have just seen that part of me yet.
people see me as being happy, xin fu and so on...yah, its true..cause i have a nice boyf which everyone else wants.
but hu will ever see this side of me where im not v close to my family....
and i do not have any close friends.
pathetic right?

hmm, when all ur secondary friends go jc, u r the only one being left behind.
when people i am having hols, pple are mugging.although working hard to promote is hard..but at least they are all together.
when they are celebrating the end of promos, im struggling to stay awake in class.
when they are enjoying the festive season of the year, i would be trying to complete my assignments...
that is how different it is
and that is when u realise, no one is there.

i guess this is what it feels to feel withdrawn

sometimes i just need someone ELSE to talk to but it seems so difficult to find one.

out of 7 days, only 3 days i need to go to school for lessons...
at first like super shuang luhh (:
budden now, juz got this really sian feeling lohh
cause totally like in hol mood.
hahas.but i totally should not be complaining
back to school.alright.
i found someone in my class which i can really clique with.but sadly we are not in the same clique.but i guess that is enough ba (:
during an activitiy we were supposed to look at ourselves in the mirror and praise one thing about ourself.
i realised...i cnt do it.i juz like look somewhere else...
hahas.i didnt knew it would be so diff..cause like everytime in tv shows u look at actors and actresses doing that right.but it is really reall hard...
im sure many of the pple out there is the same luhhs.
guess i really need to build up my self identity.
hmm.things we are studying this sem is much more interesting than i thought (:
i really like that the fact we are dealing with human beings, and not other stuff ...
cause u really get to know more about urself , what r u like in the past, what would u be like in the future and stuff. other than that u also get to see so many cute videos of infants, toddlers and preschoolers doing cute stuff (: hahas. it really makes ur day.
hahas.someone told me that i wont be a psychologist (im not sure what hidden meaning she has) and another told me im more suited to be a kindergarten teacher...hahas (:
but but i dont really wanna be a teacher luhhs.
i want to be something more....but im not sure what is it yet...
the more i study, the more i feel that mother plays an important role in childrens early years...
hahas.but there is a possibilty that i study so hard that one day i will stay at home and take good care of kids right?so what is the point?hahas.i know it is still far luhhs.
but time flies lehh.soon we would graduate and go uni le...

okay.i think im juz crapping.

actually im posting juz to vent out something....
i really dislike pple who do volunteer work to get cca points
who helps pple cause they think that it is very wei da and not really zhen xin yao bang ta men
who are so egocentric and they are the best
who is says they hate politics but they are the kind of pple that start politics
who is willing to take but not to give
who backstabs
who act cute infront of others but at their backs say they hen hao pian
and worse of all wants to be a psychologist just to earn money

i used to dislike pple saying that 'the world is unfair'.
but i dont know why, this few days especially, this few words kept appearing in my mind .
maybe im juz not talented enough,
maybe im juz not hardworking enough.
but in this world, or should i say this society, no matter what we do, we cannot help but to keep comparing ourselves to others. always thinking that others is better than u always make us feel inferior.
self-esteem....hahs.

demoralised.

volleyball in seconday school days.
olevel results with not even a single A1
g8 piano student with the standard of g5 and YET wants to learn music therapy in the future
music student who wish to perform on stage but never have the chance and ability to do so
poly student with results full of Bs but not As

who am i?

just got the sudden urge to update my blog.but i guess no one would be reading it so i can juz blog anything i like and not care about other pple thoughts...
seriously, i juz hate poly life. i juz cant stand this kind of environment where u can trust no one and YET, u are force to work with them.
but now, its hols i guess i should not be thinking about this stuff and instead cherish the time before school reopens.
i think if it is not for deardear, im juz a pathetic soul. it seems that al my secondary school friends are all in jc.even if we meet up, just feel so left out cause most of them are telling me how they wish they are in poly and nothing else. but definitely, i really really still treasure them as friends, and hope that they are doing fine and would score well in jc.hopefully nxt time we can be course mates in uni (:

just got my results yesterday and i wasnt really happy about it. i cnt believe that i actually cried. i juz bu gan xin luhhs. really. how come pple get better results than me when i am the one who contribute the most in every single proj. and and.. one of my so called "friend" even blamed me for "saving" my friend. i mean, even though she did not contribute a lot for the proj, budden it is not that bad that we have to do that right?do u really think that juz because i did not write any comments for peer evaluation that she got marks that she dont deserve?and why are u thinking it like this anw?isnt she ur friend?is not as if she got higher marks than u right. u r the one who get higher marks then me. and i really feel v bu gan xin.
i feel like a hypocrite.

ip is over now, yup.tiring.tasks to do and im still procrastinating.
miss those children (: maybe i shuld juz be a kindergarten teacher. hahas (:
at least, now ive something to aim for...
srsly feel like going overseas to take my degree, but it srsly ex luhh.so i think i shuld forget about it.

it has been quite awhile since i've blogged.
my un-interesting life does not motivate me to blog about anything anyw.
it seems that many jc peeps are envious abut poly pple.but im still interested to experience how jc life is.
but whatever.i guess i will die in jc anw.
poly too.
i guess its all about meeting the right kind of pple and stuff.
so envious of pple hu can enjoy their poly life, with so many nice friends around them going camps, outings and so on.
me?
trusted the wrong kind of pple, receiving all kinds of shit from group mates, acting its okay but its not (i know im xu wei) and...getting threatened by group mates.
i know i shuld stand out and retaliate some how like what deardear always tell me, to guai lan them.but dont know, maybe i still believe that we can still become good friends one day. i juz want to get over this quickly, i would tolerate as much as i can, cause i dont want things to end up worse. dissapointed.really.
hopefully 3 years later i can meet better friends and not juz acquitances.
academic wise, half sem gone alr, left 2 exams (:
but ive tried my best, all my grades are either B or B plus.i only got one A bfore. which is definitely not good enough cause everyone are getting Bs.
so much of a paper chase isnt it?how come ive become like this?
i juz want to meet the right kind of pple hu really cares abut u. friends threatening friends?acting everything is okay but its nt?
whatever

but on a happier note, feel that ive chosen the correct course (: really enjoyed everything ive learnt, playing goop and dough, going on a bear hunt during tutorials. compulsary excursion to kids amaze, kindergartens, internship, having children calling me "teacher liting" and even kissing me on the first day when i met them...

yup, and this few days met up with a lot of secondary school friends, although i dont really like hearing too much stuff abut jc, but at least i feel comfortable and happy with them (: cause at least i know they are true friends that would nvr threaten me or hurt me when i let down my guard..

it only 5.45 and it feels like 11 alr ):
tired.
have been breaking down this few days..
facing a lot stress. assignments and somethings a bit bu gang bian to say here.
but its juz, everything is not going my way.
mood swings.

nvm,6 more weeks!
but juz realised i still got internship on the first 2 weeks of hols ):
i dont dislike the going to kindergarten part.
i hate the going home part where we have to reflect this, wrtie running records,this and that ):

first day of internship,which is today..
yup.when u r with children u can really have fun (:
at the end of the day, feel so drained and tired.playing is tiring too kayys?but of course i prefer playing

going meet deardear soon!then need to do assignments.
again.
and i cnt concentrate.